Farmxiety
I have decided that I have farmxiety. I don’t usually struggle with anxiety, I can usually go with the flow and let things happen without a whole lot of worry. But lately, and especially since farm animals have entered my life, I have found that I worry quite a bit about a lot of farm things.
I always worry if the animals have enough to eat. I worry that they are going to get out of their fences. I worry that they’ll get sick or harmed by wild animals. The list is endless, honestly.
So one day, not very long ago, Steve texts me about the time that I am leaving the hospital asking me to check on the cows when I get home. Declan had escaped his fence twice and Steve wanted me to make sure that he was still contained. He let me know that he would be home at about 7:45pm. Awesome, there goes my farmxiety.
I turn on our little gravel road, cross the creek, and start scanning the trees looking for movement. I turn onto the first driveway that leads to the cows and do not see them…. all four of them are gone. I decide that maybe they are back in the woods, maybe I just can’t see them from where I am standing. I carefully walk up the hill toward the electrical fences (because I am in my work uniform, white shoes and cow poo… not a clever combination) and discover that all of the cows are in fact missing. Awesome.
I call Steve and inform him of the missing cows and tell him that I am going to go change into more appropriate search party attire. He says they should be close and tells me that Declan didn’t go far before so it should to easy to find them. I also text the neighbors to ask them to be on the lookout. One of the neighbors offers to hop in his side-by-side and drive around to help in the search. I walked all the back portion of our property that is still mostly covered in trees and can’t really be traversed by any kind of vehicle while he and my daughter (who I asked to help after I changed clothes) drive around. The entire time Steve is texting me and telling me what to do and how to look. I don’t like being told what to do and how to do it in the first place, coupled with the fact that he wasn’t even there to help me…. did not exactly make me happy. They are nowhere on the property. That leaves the property behind us, which is basically untouched and uninhabited by humans. Yay!
I call Steve again and let him know that they are not on our property at all. He suggests that I look on the uninhabited 95 acres next door. I don’t really want to do this. It’s creepy and abandoned and I am alone. I let my displeasure at the situation be known. I mean maybe the cows will come back, but then “til the cows come home” wouldn’t be a saying of a long and probably indefinite amount of time if cows actually came home. UGH!!!!!! So, I do as I’m asked, very begrudgingly and head back outside to look on the neighboring acreage.
It’s 7:15 ish, I didn’t look at the time, but it was getting dark. The only way onto the neighbors acreage aside from walking through the endless woods is the creek. So I start walking down the, thankfully, dry creek only to be accosted by spiders… sooo many spiders. All the webs are sticking to my face and hair and everywhere, their probably crawling on my back. I swing my arms around like a mad person to no avail. UGH!!! I really hate spiders.
Leaving the creek, I started walking up the overgrown driveway toward the creepy abandoned house and various outbuildings. The windows are smashed and covered in dirt and cobwebs. I imagine spiders are waiting for me to pass so they can make their move. I’m going to be bitten and dragged into the forest by Shelob never to be found again.
Nothing happens as I pass the buildings. Thank goodness. Then I look up only to see a buck looking at me menacingly. These deer are not afraid of me, they live out here undisturbed and I am trespassing on their territory. I am going to be gored by a buck! I have a scoop of sweet feed with me so that I can entice the cows back home and I think….. can the deer smell that? Are they going to attack me for the feed? I decide to shake the scoop, maybe some noise will scare them off. It works…. kinda. They just watch me from a little further away. I shake it again and they disappear into the woods. Crisis averted.
That being taken care of, I walk a little further and see a sea of very tall grass. I don’t really want to walk in there. Snakes are in tall grass, and ticks, and more spiders, and probably poison ivy or sumac or some other such poisonous and dangerous things. I can’t see the ground and therefore is is scary. I have to keep looking though, at least until Steve can come help me.
So I continue on, making as much noise as possible figuring that anything that might attack me at least has the option of leaving first knowing that I am very loudly tromping through the grass. And then I hear a very faint moo. Oh thank the heavens! I stop and listen and as I am turning around I see a Dolly’s head pop above the grass. They are on the other side of an overgrown fence. Ugh, have to find a way around. Tromping loudly again the way that I came, I find my way around to them!
All four of them moo at me as if to say… Hey we’ve been looking for you! They look at me and I look at them and I realize that now that I have found them I have no idea how I am going to get them back to the farm. I can’t take them back the way that I came cause they can’t get to the creek, plus my farmxiety is telling me that if I lead them that way, they will no longer follow me and go to town instead. I also remember that I am directionally challenged and am on unfamiliar land. I can’t see through all the trees, I have no idea which way to go! The cows start moving away from me and I am trying to keep them in one place. I follow them because I don’t want to lose them again, hoping against hope that maybe they will just go back home. Nope… They walked in a circle.
Frustrated, I shake the scoop a little hoping that I can get one of them to come over to me. IT WORKS!! Dolly comes to eat some sweet feed, because dessert first. I get them to follow me! Progress! I move in the direction I think that I need to go. I find a deer trail or maybe its a cow trail and I hope that its the way home. By some miracle they are still following me! I realize that they are doing so in a single file line with the boys fighting in the back. This, of course, is pushing the girls forward and into me. I am going to be trampled by cows! I am going to die in the tall grass and no one will be able to find me.
About this time, Declan decides that it is a good idea to prove his dominance by trying to mount Clyde. They go tumbling down a hill and I scream at them to stop being immature! Stupid bulls. Declan maneuvers his way up the hill and to the front of the line and we keep walking.
Finally I hear Steve! He has made it home and is calling for the cows. I yell “where are you!!!!” He responds “Right here” Helpful Steve…. really helpful (insert eyeroll). I have no idea where I am, how am I supposed to know where you are? I yell again, “please keep talking so I can find you.” I finally meet up with him and he takes over leading the cows home.
We get them inside their electric fence, which is still standing and seeming untouched by their escape. How they managed that I will never know. Steve thinks that maybe the wires are too far apart and they aren’t getting enough of a shock to matter cause it doesn’t touch their face. I suggest an intermediate post to maybe hold the wires in place a little better. Steve thinks it will be fine…. because Steve thinks everything will be fine. (I’m thinking that since, you know… Declan got out twice and all four of them once… what could it hurt?) So I say, “Are you sure?” To which, he doesn’t reply, but instead huffs and starts walking away to get the extra post. Ugh. We are tired and I am exhausted from all the farmxiety. I don’t want to fight, but that’s what we do.
In the end, we got it all worked out and I suppose that is what matters. If there is a next time, which I hope we never have to repeat that experience again, I wont be as anxious knowing that we have done it before and everything will be FINE
“The storm starts, when the drops start dropping
When the drops stop dropping then the storm starts stopping”
